The Diary of Penelope
by Starchaser1
Summary: This is a almost-but-not-quite historically accurate diary of Penelope's life during the Odyssey. How did she manage the household and the suitors? Did she miss Odysseus? Find out...
1. Penelope and Odysseus

APRIL 16  
  
THIS WILL BE MY BOOK, THE BOOK OF PENELOPE, DAUGHTER OF ICARIUS, WIFE OF ODYSSEUS, AND MOTHER OF TELEMACHUS. I HAVE RECEIVED ALREADY MANY PRESENTS, AS FITTING FOR THE QUEEN OF ALL ITHACA, BUT I KNOW AS SURELY AS A DOG KNOWS ITS' WAY HOME THAT THIS WILL BE THIS FINEST PRESENT I RECEIVE.  
  
AS I WRITE LINES UPON THIS PAGE, MY MIND IS STILL IN A DAZE FROM THE EXCITEMENT OF BIRTHING A CHILD. HE IS A BABY BOY, STRONG AND GLORIOUS EVEN NOW; HE CRIES NOT BUT SITS CALMLY IN HIS NURSES' ARMS.  
  
I DREW A PICTURE OF HIM WITH MY OWN POOR HANDS AS I LAY; IT HARDLY DOES HIM JUSTICE, BUT YOU CAN SEE THAT HE LOOKS ENTIRELY LIKE HIS FATHER, AND PERHAPS JUST A LITTLE LIKE ME. EURYCLEIA, THE NURSE THE SAME WOMAN WHO RAISED ODYSSEUS NOW ATTEMPTED TO RAISE ME TOO, BOSSING ME LIKE A MOTHER TO HER CHILD AND TELLING ME TO REST.  
  
ODYSSEUS TOOK THE BABE IN HIS ARMS AFTER A SHORT WHILE, AND SMILED TENDERLY OVER AT ME, STILL LYING RECLINING. I STILL LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART, STILL AS MAD AS A YOUNG GIRL STRUCK BY APHRODITE'S WHIMS. "AND WHAT SHALL WE NAME HIM?" CALLED OUT ONE OF MY MAIDS. AUTONOË, I THINK IT WAS, OR HIPPODAMIA PERHAPS.  
  
MY HUSBAND HESITATED FOR A MOMENT, THINKING, AS HE DOES SO OFTEN, WITH HIS FOREHEAD SLIGHTLY WRINKLED, CHEWING ON HIS LIP, HIS HEAD BENT IN THOUGHT. AND THEN HE SPOKE, HOLDING THE BABY, IN THE SAME RICH VOICE HE COURTED ME IN. "HIS NAME IS TELEMACHUS," HE SAID.  
  
TENSION SEEMED TO LEAVE THE ROOM; THE BIRTHING PROCESS WAS COMPLETE - AND THE ROOM RANG LOUD WITH CONGRATULATIONS. TELEMACHUS WAS FRIGHTINED FRIGHTENED AND CRIED, I HELD HIM CLOSE TO ME AND LOVED HIM. HE CALMED. WHEN I WAS A CHILD, PEOPLE ALWAYS CALLED ME CAPABLE, BUT ALL I KNOW IS THAT HAVING HIM THERE SEEMED RIGHT, SOMEHOW.  
  
BUT I WAS DISTURBED AT HEART. TELEMACHUS! "FINAL BATTLE!" WHATEVER MADE HIM CHOOSE THAT NAME? I WORRY THAT IT IS ALL THIS TALK OF WAR WITH TROY THAT MADE HIM THINK OF SUCH A NAME. TROY IS RICH AND GRAND AND EVERYONE WISHES TO OWN IT. THE ORACLES PREDICT THAT ODYSSEUS WILL GO AWAY TO FIGHT THERE AND COME BACK IN TWENTY YEARS, UNRECOGNIZED.  
  
BUT ORACLES ARE OFTEN WRONG, AND SOON I WILL TALK TO HIM AND HE WILL TELL ME THAT HE JUST LIKED THE SOUND OF THE NAME, IN THE WAY HE LOVES MY OWN NAME. UNTIL I MET HIM, I NEVER THOUGHT THE WORD, "PENELOPE" COULD SOUND SO SWEET.  
  
AGAIN, FORGIVE ME IF I SHOULD SEEM FOOLISH AND BESOTTED. I AM NEWLY WED AND IN LOVE, AND THE GODS MAY FORGIVE ME SUCH RAPTURE AT TIMES LIKE THIS. I GAVE TELEMACHUS TO HIS WET NURSE AND LAY DOWN AGAIN, WONDERING WHAT SORT OF MOTHER I WOULD BE LIKE.  
  
TIMES LIKE THIS ARE BUSY INDEED! FOLLOWING MY ANNOUNCEMENT OF BIRTH, PRESENTS LIKE THIS CAME POURING IN, ALONG WITH CUPS AND MIXING BOWLS WITH PRECIOUS METALS, AND SILKEN ROBES IN LOVELY COLORS, AND VARIOUS OTHER PRESENTS AS WELL. AND WITH THEM CAME PEOPLE, MANY PEOPLE!  
  
DESPITE EURYCLEIA'S ADMONISHMENTS, I TOOK PROPER CARE OF MY GUESTS. MANY PEOPLE CAME. MY BEAUTIFUL COUSIN HELEN, FOR ONE, HER BLONDE HAIR AND WHITE ARMS UNDIMMED BY MARRIAGE TO THE RED-HAIRED WARRIOR KING, MENELAUS OF SPARTA, WHO ACCOMPANIED HER. FOR ONCE I AM NOT JEALOUS OF HER SWEET WAYS AND LOOKS AS RADIANT AS APHRODITE - I HAVE A CHILD OF MY OWN, AND A BOY, NO LESS! I DO NOT KNOW WHY BOWS ARE SO PREFERRED TO GIRLS, AS BOTH ARE NECESSARY, BUT MEN LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE TO CARRY ON THEIR LINEAGE.  
  
I HAVE BEEN BUSY WITH ALL THE GUESTS AND ALSO THE SACRIFICES. FIVE TIMES NOW WE HAVE SACRIFICED SNOW-WHITE OXEN, FIVE TIMES BURNED THEIR THIGHS TO THE GODS.  
  
FOR ALL THIS, IT SEEMS AS THOUGH OUR GUESTS ARE HUNGRIER THAN ALL THE DEITIES, AND MORE INTERMINABLE THAN THE IMMORTALS. AND NOW, MY SON TELEMACHUS DEMANDS ATTENTION AS WELL. WITHOUT ODYSSEUS, I SHOULD BE AT A LOSS TO HANDLE THIS UPROAR.  
  
AND IN WRITING OF THEM, I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE GUESTS THEMSELVES, WHO STILL HERE AND STILL DEAFENINGLY NOISY, AND WHO ARE NOW CLAMORING FOR ME TO PRESENT MYSELF AT THE DINNER TABLE FOR CHOICE MEATS, BREADS, AND THE LAST OF SOME POTENT PHAEACIAN WINE WE'VE HAD FOR SOME TEN-ODD YEARS. I MUST GO. PENELOPE  
  
JUNE 6 ALREADY I HAVE BEGUN TO FORGET NEGLECT THIS JOURNAL, WHICH I HAD SWORN TO MYSELF TO KEEP FAITHFULLY. I CAN BEG EXCUSE, I AM AFRAID, ONLY IN THAT IT IS IN NO WAY EASY TO CARE FOR A CHILD, ESPECIALLY ONE LIKE MY PRECOCIOUS SON, TELEMACHUS. HE IS NEARLY TWO MONTHS OLD NOW, AND CRIES LUSTILY AND OFTEN. HE RECOGNIZES ME, I FANCY, AND HOLDS MY THUMB IN HIS SMALL HAND WHEN I COME TO HOLD HIM.  
  
  
  
  
  
MY BUSINESS, I MUST ADMIT, CONSISTS MOSTLY OF THINGS THAT DO NOT NEED TO BE DONE, WITH SOME WEAVING AT MY LOOM AND COMMANDING THE MAIDS AS WELL. TELEMACHUS IS BEING EXPERTLY CARED FOR, OF COURSE, AND FOR THE MOST PART ODYSSEUS IS MORE THAN COMPETENT AT HANDLING THE HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS, AS WELL AS HIS OWN DUTIES AS KING OF ITHACA. WHY THEN, I MUST ASK MYSELF, HAVE I STOPPED WRITING IN THIS BOOK?  
  
IT IS NOT THAT IT HAS NOT BEEN CLOSE AT HAND, FOR IT HAS LAIN IN MY CHAMBERS IN EASY REACH, ON THE TABLE NEXT TO THE BED ODYSSEUS BUILT FOR ME - ON E OF THE BEDPOSTS MADE FROM A GREAT OLIVE TREE STILL ROOTED AND GROWING IN THE EARTH.  
  
BUT SOMEHOW, IT JUST ALWAYS SEEMED LIKE TOO MUCH OF A BOTHER TO WRITE. AFTER ALL, WHAT NEED IS THERE FOR ME TO WRITE DOWN MY SECRETS HERE WHEN I HAVE NONE? THERE IS NOTHING I CANNOT TELL M HUSBAND, AND NOTHING THAT HE CANNOT TELL ME.  
  
THEN, WHAT IS THE USE OF WRITING ALL THIS DOWN? I THINK I SHALL WRITE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE NOW, AS A PASSAGE OF TIME, BUT FOR NO OTHER REASON, UNLESS I REALLY DO HAVE NEWS INTERESTING ENOUGH TO SET DOWN IN INK UPON A PAGE.  
  
EURYCLEIA, WHO SOMETIMES HELPS TEND TO TELEMACHUS, HAS BROUGHT HIM OVER TO SAY HELLO TO ME. MY BABY IS WATCHING ME NOW WITH SMALL ALERT EYES, HIS SMILE LIGHTING UP THE ROOM. I AM QUEEN OF ITHACA, HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND WHO IS KIND AND GENTLE, A BEAUTIFUL SON, AND DEVOTED SERVANTS. MY LIFE IS TRULY BLESSED BY THE GODS. DINNER HAS BEEN SERVED; I CAN HEAR THEM ANNOUNCING IT. PENELOPE  
  
  
  
  
  
JULY 16 EVERYTHING IS STILL GOING WELL. TELEMACHUS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL BABY EVER, JUST BEGINNING TO MOVE HIS HEAD AND SUCK ON HIS TINY FISTS. ODYSSEUS CARES FOR HIM FAR MORE THAN HE WILL EVER ADMIT, BUT I KNOW FOR CERTAIN THAT HE DOES. HE SPENDS AS MUCH TIME WITH TELEMACHUS AND ME AS HE POSSIBLY CAN, PLAYING WITH HIM AND TALKING WITH ME (AND KISSING ME, IF NO ONE ELSE IS AROUND.) THE BABY ADORES HIM, AND SO DO I.  
  
HE HAS LET HIS BEARD GROW LONG - A SIGN THAT HE NO LONGER WISHES TO GO TO WAR OR ON RAIDS. I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER ABOUT THAT. TO TELL THE TRUTH, I'M TERRIFIED WHENEVER HE GOES AWAY. I LIKE TO HAVE HIM AROUND.  
  
DON'T GET ME WRONG, HE'S NOT PERFECT. HE'S A LITTLE TOO PROUD, I MUST ADMIT, AND THINKS NOTHING OF INVENTING STORIES AND PASSING THEM OFF AS THE TRUTH. AS FAR AS MEN GO THOUGH, HE IS UNMATCHED.  
  
I AM HAPPY WITH MY LIFE, WITH ODYSSEUS, DESPITE THE FAULTS INHERENT TO ALL MORTAL THINGS. I AM AFRAID THOUGH, THAT WHILE GOOD TIMES ARE BETTER THAN HARD ONES, THERE IS FAR LESS TO SAY ABOUT PLEASANT THINGS.  
  
SO I WON'T BORE YOU WITH ALL THE LITTLE DETAILS OF MY DAYS; THE NEW PIGS THE FEASTS FOR ALL THE GODS AND GODDESSES, THE TROUBLE ACTORIS, MY MAID HAS BEEN HAVING WITH MELANTHO, MY OTHER MAID. BOTH LOVELY, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, BUT THEY HATE EACH OTHER. WHY SHOULD I BOTHER, WHEN NEITHER I NOR ANYONE ELSE WILL WISH TO REMEMBER THESE THINGS? ENJOYABLE DAYS ARE SPLENDID TO RELIVE, BUT GENERALLY NOT INTERESTING TO RECALL. BUT I AM SURE THAT MY DAYS HAVE BEEN PROFITABLE AND WELL-SPENT. I HAVE WEAVING TO DO, AND MY LOOM SITS READY BUT IDLE, REMINDING ME THAT I DO HAVE DUTIES, EVEN AND ESPECIALLY AS A QUEEN.  
  
PENELOPE  
  
JULY 23  
  
I JUST LOOKED BACK TO READ MY FORMER ENTRIES; I FELT THE URGE TO CROSS OUT WORDS AND TO BOTH LAUGH AT AND ADMONISH MYSELF. FOR ONE THING, HOW CAN I BEGRUDGE MY HAPPINESS SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS NOT INTERESTING TO WRITE ABOUT? I AM GROWING INCREASINGLY WORRIED EACH DAY WITH ALL THE TALK OF WAR CIRCULATING.  
  
MANY GREEK MEN WISH A CHANCE TO USE THEIR SWORDS AND MAKE A PROFIT, AND THE ORACLES' PREDICTIONS GROW EVER MORE DIRE. ODYSSEUS, FOR HIS PART, ASSURES ME THAT HE HAS NO WISH TO GO TO WAR, AND IS PERFECTLY CONTENT TO REMAIN AT HOME FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE. IF THERE'S A WAR, THOUGH, THEY SHALL FORCE HIM TO GO. I KNOW HE IS A GOOD SOLDIER, BRAVE AND INTELLIGENT.  
  
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF HE WENT AWAY TO FIGHT TROJANS. I SUPPOSE THAT I WOULD DIE OF LONELINESS. LUCKILY, THERE IS NO REAL REASON YET FOR A WAR. THE GODS WOULD SURELY PUNISH US IF WE INITIATED A CONFLICT FOR A SELFISH REASON, SUCH AS OUR OWN PROFIT. ODYSSEUS SAYS THAT THE MEN ARE WISE ENOUGH TO KNOW THIS, AND I HOPE SO.  
  
I HAVE A BAD FEELING IN MY BONES, THOUGH, AND MOTHER TOLD ME THAT A WOMAN'S FEELINGS ARE RIGHT MORE OFTEN THAN I MIGHT THINK. EURYCLEIA SAID THAT ALL THIS WORRYING WILL UPSET TELEMACHUS, AND AS SHE SAID THAT, SHE SWOOPED THE BOY FROM MY ARMS.  
  
SHE IS FAR TOO UPPITY FOR HER STATUS AS A SERVANT, BUT SHE HAS BEEN LOVED DEARLY THROUGHOUT HER LIFE; LAERTES, ODYSSEUS' FATHER BOUGHT HER BUT NEVER TOUCHED HER, AND SHE REARED ODYSSEUS JUST LIKE A SECOND MOTHER. AND HAVING HAD SO MUCH EXPERIENCE, SHE MAY JUST BE RIGHT.  
  
AS I DO NOT WANT TO UPSET MY SON, I WILL CALM MYSELF TONIGHT. I SEE ODYSSEUS COMING NOW, AND TALKING TO HIM WILL CALM ME MORE THAN ANYTHING - EVEN THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE ALONE - SO I WILL END HERE. PENELOPE  
  
AUGUST 10  
  
ATHENA, APOLLO, AND FOTHER FATEHER FATHER ZEUS! IT HAS HAPENED HAPPENED! WAR! EXCUSE MY POOR SENTENCE STRUCTURE AND WRITING, BUT I AM SETTING DOWN SO MUCH IN SUCH A HURRY! MY COUSIN HELEN CAUSED IT ALL. WELL, IT ACTUALLY WENT BACK FURTHER, ACCORDING TO OTHER STORIES, BUT I CANNOT VOUCH FOR THE ACCURACY OF THE STORIES. I DON'T CARE, I WILL WRITE WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN SAYING IN THE SERVANTS' QUARTERS.  
  
A NYMPH WAS TO WED A MORTAL MAN (AND I HAVE HEARD SO MANY NAMES I DO NOT KNOW WHICH TO WRITE.) A WEDDING WAS PLANNED IN OLYMPUS AND ERIS, GODDESS OF DISCORD, WAS NOT INVITED. FURIOUS, SHE TOOK A GLEAMING GOLDEN APPLE FROM HER POCKET, INSCRIBED, "TO THE FAIREST". ATHENA, HERA, AND APHRODITE ALL CLAIMED IT, AND NO ONE KNEW WHO TO CHOOSE. FINALLY, ZEUS CHOSE PARIS, A FAIR YOUNG MAN FROM TROY TO CHOOSE.  
  
THE GODESSES GODDESES GODESES - OH BOTHER - GODDESSES TRIED TO BRIBE THE YOUTH. HERA OFFERED HIM POWER, ATHENA WISDOM, AND APHRODITE TO WED HIM TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD. HE AWARDED THE APPLE TO APHRODITE. EURYCLEIA BELIEVES THIS ALL, AND SAYS IT WAS A FOOLISH CHOICE. BUT SHE IS OLD, AND I, BEING ONLY YEARS AFTER MARRIAGE AND NOT MUCH OLDER THAN TWENTY, CAN EASILY SEE WHY HE MADE HIS DECISION.  
  
BUT BACK TO MY STORY, IF INDEED IT BELONGS TO ME. I WILL KEEP ALL MY SPECULATIONS, INCLUDING THE ONE IN THE LAST SENTENCE TILL A FUTURE TIME, IF THAT IS POSSIBLE AT ALL. APHRODITE KEPT HER PROMISE, AND GAVE PARIS THE FAIREST WOMAN IN THE WORLD. THIS WAS MY LOVELY COUSIN HELEN - WHO IS ALREADY MARRIED TO MENELAUS!  
  
HERE COMES THE PART I KNOW FOR CERTAIN. PARIS VISITED HELEN'S HOME, AND KIDNAPPED HER WHILE MENELAUS WAS AWAY! AND WHEN HELEN WAS MARRIED, ALL HER OTHER SUITORS HAD TO SIGN AN OATH TO ABIDE BY HER FATHER'S DECISION AND HELP RECOVER HER IF ANY MAN STOLE HER AWAY. THEY ARE GOING TO WAR IN TROY!  
  
ODYSSEUS DID NOT SIGN THE OATH, AND SAYS HE WILL NOT GO TO WAR. BUT WHEN I HAPPENED TO WALK BY THE ARMORY, I SAW ALL HIS GEAR OF WAR IN A HEAP ON THE FLOOR, POLISHED AND GLEAMING - THE FIRST TIME HE HAS TOUCHED THEM SINCE I TOLD HIM I WAS PREGNANT! HE HAS NEVER WITHHELD ANYTHING FROM HE ABOUT HIS DESIRES BEFORE, BUT IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THE MASTER OF LIES IS NOT BEING TRUTHFUL WITH ME. I AM HIS WIFE, I SHOULD KNOW.  
  
RIGHT NOW, I AM MOSTLY FURIOUS WITH MY COUSIN HELEN. WHAT DID SHE GO AND START A WAR FOR? THE SENTENCE SEEMS IDIOTIC, BUT IT IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE HAS DONE. I KNOW WHAT SHE WOULD HAVE SAID IN HER OWN DEFENSE. "IT WAS APHRODITE'S CURSE ON ME, I COULD NOT RESIST HIM! I DID NOT KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING!" HOW COULD SHE LEAVE HER DAUGHTER, HERMIONE? AND HER RIGHTFUL HUSBAND? I'LL GRANT THAT MENELAUS IS NO GREAT PRIZE, BUT SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO LEAVE HIM!  
  
ODYSSEUS MUST NOT GO TO WAR. I WILL HOLD HIM TO HIS PROMISE, CONVINCE HIM THAT TELEMACHUS NEEDS HIM, AND THAT I NEED HIM TOO. I WILL BE TRUTHFUL! I COULDN'T BEAR LIFE WITHOUT HIM. BUT EVEN WITH HIM BY MY SIDE, WAR IS CERTAINLY A GRIM PROSPECT. THEY ARE COSTLY - AND NOT ONLY IN MONEY. WHO KNOWS HOW MANY YOUNG AND WORTHY CHAMPIONS - BOTH GREEK AND TROJAN - WILL DIE? PENELOPE  
  
AUGUST 24  
  
HIPPODAMIA CAME RUNNING FROM THE SERVANTS QUARTERS TO TELL ME THE NEWS. WARSHIPS ARE APPROACHING ITHACA'S SHORE LINE! THEY COME TO TAKE ODYSSEUS AWAY! HE WILL SAY THAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO GO, AND THEY WILL LET HIM BE. POSEIDON, LORD OF THE SEAS, HEAR MY PRAYER. DON'T CARRY ODYSSEUS FAR AWAY FROM ME ON A SHIP, ACROSS YOUR BOUNDLESS SEAS! I GO TO GREET THE SAILORS, PRAYING WITH EVERY STEP. PENELOPE  
  
LATE AT NIGHT, ON THE SAME DAY  
  
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF IT, I REALLY DON'T. ODYSSEUS DID NOT MEET ME BY THE HARBOR TO GREET OUR GUESTS, WHO WERE LED BY THE CRAFTY KING PALAMEDES, A MAN ALMOST AS INTELLIGENT AS MY HUSBAND.  
  
I WAS TOLD TO GO FIND, "YOUR HUSBAND, THE KING OF ITHACA, AS I WISH TO SPEAK TO HIM." COULDN'T THEY HAVE JUST USED HIS NAME? I LOOKED ALL OVER, BUT COULD NOT FIND HIM. FINALLY, I FOUND HIM IN THE FIELDS, AND CALLED THE VISITORS. THEY HURRIED OVER, BUT DID NOT SEE WHAT THEY EXPECTED.  
  
THERE WAS MY REGAL HUSBAND WITH THE PLOW. TWO GOATS WERE HARNESSED TO IT, AND HE WAS PUTTING SALT INTO THE FURROWS! HE SEEMED NOT TO SEE ME OR ANYONE, BUT LAUGHED CRAZILY, MUTTERING, "MUST GET THE PLOWING DONE. MUST GET THE PLOWING DONE," OVER AND OVER AGAIN.  
  
AT FIRST I WAS HORRIFIED, THINKING THAT HE HAD GONE MAD. THEN I REALIZED IT WAS ONLY A RUSE, THAT HE WAS PRETENDING TO BE MAD TO ESCAPE THE DRAFT. TRYING TO TAKE IT IN STRIDE, I TOLD THE PUZZLED MEN THAT HE HAD BEEN THIS WAY FOR WEEKS, AND THAT I HAD HOPED HE WAS BETTER. AFTER I SAID THIS, I THOUGHT I SAW ODYSSEUS SMILE AT ME. THE MEN SAT DOWN TO DISCUSS WHAT TO DO, AND I WENT HOME, HAD SUPPER, AND WENT TO BED.  
  
I AM SO UNBEARABLY LONELY WITHOUT ODYSSEUS NEXT TO ME, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HE IS STILL ON THE ISLAND, BEDDING DOWN IN THE FURROWS IN AN ATTEMPT TO STAY HERE WITH ME. WHAT WILL IT BE LIKE IF HE GOES AWAY? I CANNOT STAND IT ANY MORE - I SHALL TRY TO SLEEP IF I CAN.  
  
AUGUST 25  
  
I HOPE WITH ALL MY HEART THAT HE TRULY IS FAKING HIS AFFLICTION AND HAS NOT REALLY GONE MAD, THOUGH THAT IS WHAT I TELL MYSELF ON A CONSTANT BASIS. HE IS NO BETTER TODAY, CONTINUING THE NONSENSICAL TASK THAT HE STARTED YESTERDAY, AND STILL MUTTERING TO HIMSELF. TAKING TELEMACHUS OUT TO GET SOME AIR, I WENT BY THE MEN WATCHING HIM, YEARNING TO RUN OUT AND EMBRACE HIM, MUD-SPATTERED AND DERANGED-LOOKING AS HE WAS. THE MEN ARE STILL CONSIDERING, AND I AM STILL WAITING. PENELOPE  
  
LATER  
  
NO! IT CANNOT BE! I CAN BARELY BEAR TO WRITE IT, TO CONFIRM THAT IT IS TRUE. PALAMEDES, MAY THE GODS CURSE YOU, TAKE AWAY YOUR SENSE, AND GIVE YOU THE WITS OF A DONKEY - OR LESS! WHILE LOOKING AT MY HUSBAND, HE SUDDENLY SNATCHED TELEMACHUS FROM MY ARMS AND THREW HIM IN FRONT OF THE PLOW! WHAT A MONSTER!  
  
IF ODYSSEUS HAD TRULY BEEN DERANGED, HE WOULD HAVE KILLED MY SON, THE PRINCE. BUT ODYSSEUS KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING, OF COURSE, AND HASTILY STOPPED THE PLOW AND RESCUED HIS SON, REGRET AND ANGER IN HIS EYES AS HE COMFORTED THE POOR CHILD. I WAS TRULY THE ONE NEEDING COMFORT, THOUGH.  
  
I ASKED MY HUSBAND TO COME BACK TO THE PALACE TO TALK TO ME ALONE. I HELD MY TEARS IN UNTIL WE REACHED OUR ROOM, AND THEN I COULD STAND IT NO LONGER AND FELL TO WEEPING. ODYSSEUS IS SITTING BY ME NOW, AS I WRITE THIS.  
  
I ASKED HIM IF HE WAS TRULY LEAVING AND HE TOLD ME YES, THAT HE MUST. I ASKED HIM WHEN, AND HE SAID IN A WEEK'S TIME. OH SHORT WEEKS, WHICH ONCE SEEMED TO DRAG THEIR HEELS AND PASS RELUCTANTLY! ALREADY, MY PRECIOUS TIME WITH HIM IS SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS! I DO NOT SIDE WITH OUR NEWFOUND ENEMY, THE TROJANS, BUT I WISH I WERE A TROJAN WOMAN, WHO WOULD SEE THEIR HUSBANDS EVERY DAY WHEN THEY RETURNED HOME.  
  
"OR WATCH THEM DIE," SAID ODYSSEUS, WHO WAS WATCHING ME WRITE. HE WAS SERIOUS, ALL THE JOKING GONE OUT OF HIM. "PENELOPE, I WANT TO SAY THIS TO YOU RIGHT NOW, THAT WE MIGHT ENJOY THE REST OF OUR TIME TOGETHER. THERE IS A CHANCE THAT I MIGHT NOT RETURN HOME, YOU KNOW."  
  
"NO!" I SCREAMED, COVERING MY EARS WITH MY HANDS, NOT WANTING TO HEAR IT. "YOU WILL RETURN. YOU'LL COME BACK!" I WAS FRANTIC, I HAVE TO ADMIT. HE TOOK MY HANDS AWAY, AND HELD THEM IN HIS.  
  
"BUT I MAY NOT COME BACK. NOW, LISTEN TO ME, PENELOPE, PLEASE TRY. WAIT FOR ME, FOR A WHILE - BUT WHEN YOU SEE THE FIRST BEARD ON TELEMACHUS' CHEEK, THEN GIVE ME UP FOR DEAD, PERFORM MY RITES, AND CHOOSE ANOTHER.". HIS VOICE BROKE, HE WAS CRYING TOO, AND THAT MADE ME FEEL MORE AFRAID.  
  
"CHOOSE ANOTHER HUSBAND," HE CONTINUED. "YOU MUST DO THIS FOR ME, I WOULD NOT WISH YOU UNHAPPY FOR ALL YOUR LIFE." I JUST NODDED AND CRIED. I WILL NOT WRITE IN THIS DIARY FOR THE REST OF THIS WEEK. I AM SPENDING EVERY MOMENT OF IT WITH MY HUSBAND. I CANNOT LET HIM GO!!! MAY THE GODS WATCH OVER US AND FAVOR US, HIM ESPECIALLY. PENELOPE 


	2. Penelope Without Odysseus

SEPTEMBER 2  
  
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO BELIEVE, BUT IT HAS HAPPENED. ODYSSEUS IS GONE! HE LEFT LATE LAST NIGHT, AFTER WE HAD ALL EATEN DINNER. HE BARELY SAID GOODBYE, JUST WAVED TO THE REST OF THE PEOPLE, KISSED TELEMACHUS AND ME, AND THEN LEFT.  
  
I COULD HEAR HIM JOKING WITH THE MEN AS HE WENT, LOOKING FOR ALL THE WORLD LIKE A SOLDIER, BUT I THOUGHT I SAW A SAD LOOK IN HIS EYES AS HE SAID FAREWELL. CURSE HELEN - NO MATTER WHY SHE LEFT HER HUSBAND, IT HAS TORN ME FROM MY HUSBAND AS WELL, AND THE SAME FOR HUNDREDS OF OTHER WOMEN.  
  
A FEW DAYS AGO, I ASKED MY HUSBAND WHY I COULD NOT GO ALONG. HE TOLD ME THAT IT WAS MY DUTY TO TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSE, PROTECT TELEMACHUS, AND MANAGE THE SERVANTS. HE SAID THAT A WOMAN SHOULD NOT HAVE TO FIGHT, AND I COULD NOT GO TO TROY BECAUSE ONLY SOLDIERS WERE GOING. "WHAT ABOUT ATALANTA?" I ASKED. BUT I WAS ONLY BEING STUBBORN, AS I AM WONT TO BE SOMETIMES, FOR I KNEW IN MY HEART THAT I COULD NOT GO.  
  
I HAVE ENJOYED THIS LAST WEEK WITH ALL MY HEART, TRYING IN VAIN TO FORGET WHAT THEY WOULD CULMINATE IN. BUT I DID EVERYTHING THAT I COULD WITH ODYSSEUS. WE PLAYED WITH TELEMACHUS, TALKED FOR HOURS, ATE HUGE FEASTS FOR NO REASON, VISITED LAERTES AND ANTICLEIA, ODYSSEUS' PARENTS, WANDERED IN THE WOODS TO PICK BERRIES, WENT TO THE BEACH AND WADED IN THE COOL WATER. WE DID EVERYTHING WE'VE EVER ENJOYED TOGETHER.  
  
AND YET IT WASN'T ENOUGH, AND I STILL MISS HIM SO TERRIBLY. HE WAS EVEN KINDER AND WISER AND MORE HANDSOME DURING THAT BEAUTIFUL, TERRIBLE WEEK THAN HE WAS AT ANY OTHER TIME. TODAY I WENT BACK TO THE BEACH BY MYSELF AND STARED AT THE OPEN SEA HE VANISHED ON. I HAVEN'T BEEN IN A SHIP SINCE I CAME HERE, AND I CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT IS LIKE.  
  
AFTER I HAD LOOKED OUT AT THE OCEAN AND HEARD THE CRASHING LONELY SOUND OF WAVES FOR ALMOST A FULL HOUR I WENT TO THE BEAUTIFUL CAVES SACRED TO THE NYMPHS. I STOOD BEFORE THE ENTRANCE ONLY IMMORTALS COULD USE, AND PRAYED ONCE MORE THAT THE WAR WOULD END QUICKLY - BEFORE THE YEAR IS UP, AND ODYSSEUS RETURN SAFELY HOME.  
  
AND THEN I SAT AND CRIED, DRIED MY TEARS, AND WENT HOME UP THE LONG PATH TO WRITE THIS. AS A RESULT OF WALKING DOWN HERE SO MANY TIMES THIS LAST WEEK, I AM BECOMING QUITE FIT. PENELOPE  
  
SEPTEMBER 14  
  
I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A WHILE, BEING EITHER TOO BUSY OR TO SORROWFUL. I HOPE WRITING CAN LIFT MY SPIRITS, AS MY TROUBLE FLOW FROM MY HEART ONTO THIS PAPER. I HAVE SPENT THE PAST DAYS VERY UNPRODUCTIVELY, I'M AFRAID.  
  
IN THE MORNING, I AM BUSIER THAN AT ANY OTHER TIME AND I AM ALMOST HAPPY - I DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT ODYSSEUS. IN FACT, I CAN'T. EVERYTHING IS SO HECTIC AND I'M FLYING ABOUT EVERYWHERE. I HAVE TO MANAGE ALL THE SERVANTS NOW, AS WELL AS THE GOATHERD (MELANTHIUS, THAT FOOL), SWINEHERD(EUMAEUS), AND COWHERD(PHOILOETIUS).  
  
I ALSO MUST TAKE CARE OF ALL THE DOMESTIC ISSUES ODYSSEUS DEALT WITH. I MUST TALK TO THE FARMERS AND MEDIATE QUARRELS AND GENERALLY CODDLE, TAKE CARE OF, AND BE A PARENT TO ALL THE PEOPLE OF ITHACA.  
  
IT'S VERY CONFUSING, BUT LUCKILY WISE OLD LAERTES AND HIS WIFE KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING AND ARE HELPING ME OUT AS MUCH AS THEY CAN; WITH THEIR ASSISTANCE I CAN MANAGE. THANK THE GODS NO ONE HAS ASKED ME TO HOLD A TOWN MEETING!  
  
BUT WHEN THESE TASKS ARE OVER, IT IS TIME FOR ME TO WEAVE. THE TROUBLE WITH WEAVING IS THAT IT IS WORK PRIMARILY FOR THE HANDS, AND SO LEAVES THE MIND FREE TO WANDER. NOW, ORDINARILY THAT WOULD BE AN ADVANTAGE, BUT NOT WHEN I AM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO THINK OF ODYSSEUS GONE. I HAVE ENDED MY WEAVING SESSIONS BY WEEPING ON MY BED UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP. ACTORIS HAS BEEN FORCED TO FINISH ALL MY WORK, WHICH SHE PATIENTLY BEARS WITHOUT COMPLAINING.  
  
WHEN I WAKE, I FEEL BETTER AND HAVE THE DESIRE TO BE USEFUL. I EAT AN AFTERNOON MEAL, AND THEN FIND TELEMACHUS WITH EITHER EURYCLEIA OR HIS WET NURSE AND PLAY WITH HIM, HIS LITTLE FIVE-MONTH-OLD FACE SHINING WITH HAPPINESS UNTIL HE FALLS ASLEEP IN MY ARMS. AFTER THIS, I EAT DINNER AND CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP. GOING TO SLEEP GENERALLY TAKES HOURS; I HATE BEING ALONE, AND MY COMFORTABLE ROOM IS SUDDENLY DARK, COLD, AND FORBIDDING.  
  
WHEN I FINALLY DO SLEEP I HAVE NIGHTMARES, IN WHICH AGAMEMNON, CAPTAIN OF THE GREEK FORCES, COMES AND TELLS ME THAT ODYSSEUS IS DEAD. THE CAUSE FOR HIS DEATH IS ALWAYS SILLY TO CONTEMPLATE WHEN I WAKE UP - AN APPLE FALLS DIRECTLY ON HIS HEAD OR HERA TURNS HIS CHARIOT INTO A PEACOCK OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.  
  
BUT IN MY DREAMS IT SEEMS SO TERRIBLE AND REAL. AND I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THAT ORACLE'S PREDICTION ABOUT MY HUSBAND BEING LOST AT SEA FOR TWENTY YEARS. IT CANNOT BE TRUE. THE GODS MUST SURELY LOVE ODYSSEUS AS I DO. GOOD NIGHT, IF SUCH AS THING COULD BE SAID ABOUT TONIGHT. HOW MUST MENELAUS FEEL? HE IS ALSO ALONE, BUT IT HIS WIFE DESERTED HIM. BUT, AH, HE IS A MAN, AND CAN GO FIGHT TO WIN HER BACK WHILE I AM LEFT AT HOME WITH NOTHING TO DO BUT MANAGE THINGS! PENELOPE NOVEMBER 13  
  
IT HAS BEEN NEARLY TWO MONTHS SINCE I LAST WROTE, BUT I SIMPLY HAVE NOT HAD EITHER THE TIME OR MOTIVATION TO SET MY THOUGHTS DOWN. I AM EVEN BUSIER THAN THE LAST TIME I WROTE. I CRY NO LONGER, THOUGH MY HEART CONSTANTLY ACHES FOR MY POOR HUSBAND? WHAT IS HE DOING NOW?  
  
IS HE SITTING IN HIS TENT, LONGING FOR ME? IS HE WITH ALL THE OTHER SOLDIERS, JESTING AND MERRY AND FORGETTING ME? IS HE FIGHTING RIGHT NOW, HIS ARMOR COVERED IN CRIMSON BLOOD? HAS HE ALREADY DIED? DOES HE LIE ON THE GROUND UNMISSED, OR HAVE HIS RITES BEEN PERFORMED? I CROSSED THOSE LAST LINES OUT, IN WORRY THAT PONDERING THOSE THINGS WILL MAKE THEM COME TRUE. BUT DOES HE MISS ME THE WAY I MISS HIM RIGHT NOW? NO MORE, I WILL NOT THINK OF IT.  
  
AS I SAID, I HAVE BEEN VERY BUSY. MORE AND MORE, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN COMING TO ME FROM ALL OVER ITHACA WITH THE PROBLEMS THEY ONCE ASKED ODYSSEUS FOR HELP ABOUT. I STILL NEED LAERTES' AND ANTICLEIA'S GUIDANCE CONSTANTLY, SO THEY STAY WITH ME SOMETIMES IN THE HOUSE. I STILL MUST TELL THE MAIDS WHAT TO DO, AND I AM BACK TO WEAVING FAITHFULLY EVERY DAY. BY THE TIME I DROP INTO MY BED AT NIGHT, I AM USUALLY TOO TIRED TO WRITE, THOUGH NOT TO TIRED TO MOURN FOR ODYSSEUS, AND WISH THAT THE WAR WAS OVER. PENELOPE  
  
DECEMBER 3  
  
WHY AM I WRITING? THERE IS NOTHING TO SAY THAT WOULD NOT BE REPEATING MYSELF! MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, POINT-BY-POINT: TELEMACHUS IS EIGHT MONTHS OLD HE IS THE MOST WONDERFUL CHILD IN THE WORLD ODYSSEUS HAS BEEN GONE FOR THREE MONTHS NOW. I MISS HIM TERRIBLY. I AM AWFULLY BUSY WITH WORK. NO NEWS HAS COME FROM TROY YET.  
  
SINCE I HAVE TAKEN THE CONSIDERABLE TROUBLE TO FIND PEN, INK, JOURNAL, TIME, AND PRIVACY TO WRITE I AM NOT SATISFIED BY THE SHORT LIST I GAVE, WHICH IS FACTS BUT NOT LIFE. I THOUGHT TO TELL YOU WHAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THE LAST MONTH, BUT I WOULD BE IN THE UNDERWORLD WITH GRIM PERSEPHONE BY THE TIME I FINISHED WRITING.  
  
BESIDES, MY HAND IS ALREADY CRAMPED AND SORE FROM WEAVING AND DOES NOT WISH TO EXERT ITSELF, WHILE I COULD NOT DICTATE TO A SERVANT BECAUSE I PREFER MY THOUGHTS TO BE KEPT QUIET. THIS, INCIDENTALLY, IS WHY THIS BOOK IS HIDDEN IN AN INCONSPICOUS INCONSPICUOUS LITTLE DRAWER IN AN INCONSPICUOUS LITTLE DRESSER NEXT TO MY BED. SO, I SHALL SIMPLY GIVEN AN ACCOUNT OF MY DAY.  
  
I WOKE EARLY THIS MORNING, EARLIER THAN I USUALLY DO. ODYSSEUS ALWAYS LIKED TO RISE LATE AND GO TO SLEEP LATE, WHILE I PREFER THE OPPOSITE; TO RISE EARLY AND SLEEP EARLY. WHILE HE WAS HERE I ALWAYS DID WHAT HE DID, NOW I HAVE THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE, THOUGH IT MAKES ME FEEL ALMOST DISLOYAL.  
  
STILL, I WOULD GIVE UP ANYTHING TO HAVE HIM BACK. HE WAS A PERFECT MAN, NEAR THE THRESHOLD THAT SEPARATES HUMANS FROM GODS. HE WAS SO HANDSOME, SO INTELLIGENT, SO KIND, AND SO HONORABLE. THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER MAN LIKE HIM, SAVE FOR TELEMACHUS, WHO WILL BE RAISED TO FOLLOW IN HIS FATHER'S FOOTSTEPS. PENELOPE  
  
DECEMBER 15  
  
NEWS FROM TROY! A TRADER PASSING BY TROY AND NOW ITHACA BRINGS IT TO US. WHEN WE HAD BOUGHT A SUFFICIENT AMOUNT OF WARES FROM HIM, HE TOLD US EVERYTHING. TROY STILL STANDS, BUT IT IS PROPHESIED THAT IT WILL SOON FALL. THEN HE TOLD US THE FATE OF THE MEN. THE LIST OF DEAD IS HORRENDOUS, THOUGH I CANNOT REMEMBER ANY NAMES, JUST THE MAN'S DRY NASAL VOICE SPEAKING NAMES: THIS MAN, AND THAT MAN. SOME WERE FROM ITHACA.  
  
THE ELDERLY, CHILDREN, AND WOMEN WEPT AND WAILED WHEN THEY HEARD THE NAME OF A LOVED ONE ANNOUNCED. MOST STILL TRIED TO BELIEVE THEY HAD MISHEARD, OR THAT THE TRADER HAD GOTTEN THE WRONG NAME. BUT THEY KNEW THAT THEY WERE LYING TO THEMSELVES.  
  
GIVEN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES, I KNOW THAT I SHOULD NOT BE REJOICING, BUT I AM! ODYSSEUS IS ALIVE, AND MUCH REGARDED AMONG THE SOLDIERS. THE TRADER SPOKE TO HIM, IT SEEMS, AND HE SAID THAT EVERY WAKING MOMENT HE MISSES ME, LONGS TO SEE ME.  
  
AN EXAGGERATION, I AM SURE, BUT I AM WALKING ON AIR. SOON MY BELOVED HUSBAND WILL BE HOME! HE HAS NOT PERISHED IN BATTLE! I GO BACK HOME TO SPREAD THE GOOD NEWS, AND THE BAD. PENELOPE  
  
FEBRURARY 16  
  
FIVE MONTHS SINCE ODYSSEUS LEFT, AND THOUGH I STILL MISS HIM, AND SOMETIMES CRY, I AM FAR BETTER, ESPECIALLY KNOWING THAT HE WILL SOON BE HOME. NEWS FROM TROY IS GOOD, LIFE IS THE SAME AS IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN. TELEMACHUS IS TEN MONTHS OLD AND WONDERFUL, HE NOW GURGLES NONSENSE AT WHOEVER COMES TO SEE HIM, SWEET LITTLE SOUNDS. ODYSSEUS WOULD LOVE HIM. PENELOPE  
  
APRIL 16  
  
IT IS TELEMACHUS' FIRST BIRTHDAY, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME I WAS HAPPY. THE ATMOSPHERE HERE WAS FESTIVE, AND MY SON HIMSELF GLEEFUL. THEN CAME BITTERSWEETNESS, FOR I WISHED THAT ODYSSEUS WAS HERE TO CELEBRATE HERE WITH US. TELEMACHUS BARELY KNOWS HIM. I KNOW HIM VERY WELL, AND AM STILL MISSING HIM. HOW HAPPY IT WOULD BE TO FIND MYSELF A CHILD ONCE MORE! WE OFFERED UP LIBATIONS TO THE GODS TODAY TO CELEBRATE. PENELOPE  
  
JUNE 23  
  
THE WAR IS OVER! ONE OF THE EARLIER DEPARTING SHIPS ARRIVED, BRINGING NEWS. TROY WAS SET ABLAZE AND HELEN RETURNED, THANKS TO ODYSSEUS' CLEVERNESS. HE HAD OUR GREEK FORCES PRETEND TO LEAVE, AND LEAVE A LARGE STATUE OF A HORSE AS A GIFT TO POSEIDON.  
  
THE TROJANS, BARBARIC AS THEY SEEM TO BE, TOOK THE OFFERING FOR THEMSELVES, AND WENT TO SLEEP, THINKING THAT THEY HAD WON. BUT WARRIORS WERE HIDING INSIDE THE HORSE! THEY RANSACKED THE TROJAN CITY, AND NOW ODYSSEUS WILL BE COMING HOME WITH ALL THE GREAT LEADERS - THOSE WHO STILL SURVIVED THAT IS.  
  
AJAX, ACHILLES, PATROCLUS, AND COUNTLESS OTHERS ARE DEAD. BUT HE IS RETURNING HOME ALONG WITH MENELAUS AND AGAMEMNON. THEY ARE DUE TO ARRIVE WITHIN TWO MONTHS, IF THE FAVORABLE WINDS LAST. PENELOPE  
  
AUGUST 14  
  
ODYSSEUS IS DUE TO ARRIVE AT ANY DAY NOW. IN PREPARATION, I HAVE MADE THE HOUSE SPOTLESSLY TIDY. GARLANDS OF FRESH FLOWERS LINE THE GLEAMING MANTELS. GOATS, PIGS, AND CATTLE HAVE BEEN SLAUGHTERED AND WE ARE SIMPLY WAITING TO SEE THE SHIPS BEFORE WE START COOKING UP A BANQUET.  
  
WHAT WILL I DO WHEN FIRST I SEE THAT BLACK SHIP COMING TOWARDS US? I WILL MAKE READY THE HOUSE, AND HURRY OUT WITH THE TOWNSPEOPLE OF ITHACA TO GREET HIM AND THE OTHER MEN. I WILL LET THE OTHER PEOPLE TALK TO HIM FIST, AND EURYCLEIA, ANTICLEIA, AND LAERTES. I WILL SHOW HIM HOW FINE AND STRONG TELEMACHUS IS AND HOW HE IS JUST BEGINNING TO WALK. THEN WE WILL GO UPSTAIRS TO OUR ROOM AND TALK FOR HOURS. MY PILLOW WILL BE WET WITH TEARS OF JOY, NOT GRIEF. AND IN THE MORNING, ALL WILL BE RIGHT. I LIKE HANDLING DISPUTES, THOUGH. MAYBE I CAN HELP EVEN AFTER HE COMES BACK. PENELOPE AUGUST 20  
  
WHERE IS ODYSSEUS? FOR DAYS I HAVE NEGLECTED MY DUTIES AND SAT BY THE HARBOR, WATCHING, WAITING FOR HIM. THE MEATS ARE BEING DRIED NOW. THE GARLANDS OF FLOWERS ARE WILTING. THE HOUSE IS ACCUMULATING DUST. WHERE IS HE? PENELOPE  
  
SEPTEMBER 1  
  
HE IS LATE, BUT HE WILL COME HOME ANY DAY NOW! MENELAUS AND AGAMEMNON ARE HOME! WHERE IS HE? THE HOUSE IS BACK TO ITS USUAL STATE, THE MEAT EATEN. WE HAVE THROWN THE FLOWERS OUT. I HAVE NOT TOUCHED MY LOOM FOR TWO WEEKS. WHY HASN'T HE COME HOME? WHY? OH POSEIDON, LORD OF THE SEA, SPEED MY HUSBAND HOME TO ME. PENELOPE  
  
SEPTEMBER 19  
  
I AM DESPONDENT, AND RIGHT NOW NOTHING IS RIGHT IN MY EYES. THE MAIDS ARE CLUMSY, EURYCLEIA BOSSY, DOLIUS THE MANSERVANT AND LAERTES DODDERING OLD FOOLS. MY WEAVING LOOKS LIKE RAGS. THE FOOD TASTES LIKE DUST. WILL ODYSSEUS EVER COME BACK? MANY DIE AT SEA. WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO HIM? POSSIBILITIES:  
  
HE TARRIED LONG AT A VISITOR'S HOUSE AND WILL COME HOME LADEN WITH GUEST GIFTS AND APOLOGIES. UNLIKELY, SOMEONE WOULD HAVE SENT WORD. HE WAS LOST FOR A WHILE, BUT HAS FOUND HIS WAY BACK. UNLIKELY, HE IS A FAMOUS NAVIGATOR. HE STAYED LONG AT TROY TO COLLECT HIS TREASURES AND LOAD THEM. IMPOSSIBLE, HE LEFT WITH MENELAUS, WHO IS NOW HOME. A GOD HAS DETAINED HIM OR KILLED HIM. UNLIKELY, HE ALWAYS MAKES PROPER SACRIFICES AND IS FAVORED BY ALL THE GODS, ESPECIALLY PALLAS ATHENA. HE WAS KILLED DURING THE SACK OF TROY. IMPOSSIBLE, THANK THE GODS, FOR THE SAME REASON AS #3.  
  
I CAN THINK OF ONLY ONE OTHER POSSIBILITY, WHICH IS THAT THE PROPHESY IS CORRECT, THE ONE THAT SAYS HE WILL WANDER AROUND FOR TWENTY YEARS AND COME BACK UNKNOWN. IT IS A HIDEOUS THOUGHT BUT HAS ONE ADVANTAGE; IT IS BETTER THAN BELIEVING HE IS DEAD. PENELOPE  
  
SEPTEMBER 21  
  
HIPPODAMIA FOUND MY DIARY! SHE READ IT, TOO, AND LAUGHED ABOUT IT! HOW DARE SHE DO THIS!? I WOULD FIRE HER, IF SHE WAS NOT SUCH A CAPABLE MAID. BUT I DARE NOT CONTINUE THIS, IF I AM TO HAVE NO PRIVACY. I AM HIDING IT, AND WILL NEVER LOOK AT IT AGAIN. HIPPODAMIA, MAY ALL THE GODS CURSE YOU! HOW COULD YOU LAUGH AT MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS? THAT IS WHY I AM HIDING IT IN A VERY SECRET SPOT - UNDER MY BED, UNDERNEATH AN OLD TATTERED RUG. THE RUG IS LUMPY ANYHOW, AND SO IT DOES NOT SHOW. IT IS ALSO PROTECTED FROM THE RAIN, SO IT SHALL NOT GET MILDEWED AND STINK THE ENTIRE PLACE WITH HIDEOUS STENCH. GOODBYE. PENELOPE 


	3. Telemachus

April 16, APPROXIMATELY 19 YEARS LATER  
  
MY NAME IS TELEMACHUS, THE PRINCELY SON OF PENELOPE, DAUGHTER OF ICARIUS AND THE GREAT HERO ODYSSEUS, SON OF LAERTES. MOTHER SUPPOSEDLY GAVE ME THIS AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT, BUT THIS SEEMS IMPLAUSIBLE SINCE SHE ALL BUT FORCED ME TO WRITE IN IT. YESTERDAY, I OVERHEARD HER TELLING AUTONOË THE WHOLE STORY. THESE ARE NOT EXACTLY HER WORDS, BUT THEY WILL SUFFICE.  
  
"A LONG TIME AGO, I USED THIS DIARY, YOU KNOW. WELL, RIGHT AFTER THE END OF THE TROJAN WAR, HIPPODAMIA FOUND IT WHILE CLEANING AND STARTED READING IT AND LAUGHING AT ME. OH, I WAS STILL YOUNG AND TOUCHY THEN, AND I WAS COMPLETELY FURIOUS! I HID IT UNDER THE RUG UNDER MY BED, AND VOWED NOT TO TOUCH IT. I IGNORED IT FOR A WHILE, AND THEN I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT.  
  
WELL, YESTERDAY I WAS TAKING OFF A NECKLACE WHEN IT DROPPED UNDER THE BED, SORT OF HALF UNDER THE RUG. AND I PULLED IT OUT, AND FOUND THE DIARY! YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW SURPRISED I WAS. BUT I'M BUSY ALL DAY, AND BESIDES, I DON'T WANT TO READ MY WAILING ABOUT HOW I NEED ODYSSEUS. IT'D BE NICE FOR HIM TO COME HOME, BUT IT WOULD BE NICE FOR A GOD TO VISIT TOO. WON'T HAPPEN. SO I'M GIVING IT TO TELEMACHUS. I'M SAYING IT'S FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, BUT I THINK HE NEEDS TO EXPRESS HIMSELF, AND HE DOESN'T REALLY TRUST ME. BUT HE HAS SERIOUS PROBLEMS, WHAT WITH THE ABSENCE OF ANY FATHER FIGURE AND THEN ALL THOSE SUITORS." AT THIS POINT I SMELLED THE AROMA OF FRESH-BAKED BREAD COMING FROM THE KITCHENS AND SNEAKED OFF TO GET SOME.  
  
PERHAPS I HAD BETTER EXPLAIN ABOUT THE SUITORS, ALTHOUGH I AM NOT DISTURBED EITHER BY OR ABOUT THEM. BUT IT'S KIND OF AN UNUSUAL SITUATION YOU SEE, MY MOTHER IS, WELL, CONSIDERED BEAUTIFUL BY MOST PEOPLE, AND THOSE SAME PEOPLE CONSIDER MY FATHER TO BE DEAD. I DON'T BELIEVE EITHER OF THOSE THINGS. BUT THE PEOPLE (MOSTLY ITHACANS) WHO DO AND ARE BACHELORS HAVE DECIDED TO COME TO OUR HOUSE EVERY DAY AND COURT MY MOTHER, EAT OUR FOOD, DRINK OUR WINE, AND COME BACK EVERY DAY UNTIL SHE MARRIES ONE OF THEM.  
  
I KNOW, THOUGH, THAT SHE WILL HAVE NONE OF THEM. SHE IS STILL FAITHFUL TO ODYSSEUS, MY GLORIOUS FATHER, WHO HAS BEEN GONE MANY LONG YEARS SINCE THE TROJAN WAR. BUT SOMEDAY HE WILL RETURN AND RID THE HOUSE OF THE ARROGANT SUITORS WHO ARE PATRONIZING ME AND HOPE TO WED MY MOTHER. TELEMACHUS  
  
APRIL 21  
  
THE SUITORS WERE GATHERED IN THE HALL TODAY; ANTINOUS AND EURYMACHUS, THE RINGLEADERS, AS WELL AS AGELAUS, PISANDER, AMPHIMEDON, LEODES, AMPHINOMU, LEOCRITUS, CTESIPUS CTESIPPUS, EURYNOMUS, DEMOPTOLEMY, EURYDAMAS, ELATUS, AND EURYADES. THEY DRAGGED IN PHEMIUS, THAT POOR BARD, TO PLAY FOR THEM AND TREATED ME LIKE A FOOL IDIOT LUNATIC WOMAN CHILD. WHEN ODYSSEUS COMES HOME HE WILL KILL THEM ALL.  
  
MAYBE HE WILL KILL EURYCLEIA, TOO. NO, I'M ONLY JOKING, I DON'T WANT HER DEAD. BUT I WISH SHE WAS LESS BOSSY, LIKE TODAY, WHEN SHE SAID MY KNEES AND FACE WERE DIRTY AND FORCED ME TO TAKE ANOTHER BATH. BETWEEN HER AND MOTHER (WHO IS MAKING ME WRITE THIS), I'M DRIVEN INSANE! TELEMACHUS  
  
APRIL 29  
  
NOTHING INTERESTING HAPPENED TODAY. I SPENT AN HOUR LOOKING OUT MY WINDOW BEFORE MOTHER CAME WITH HER INCESSANT CHORES. NOW SHE WANTS TO TEACH ME TO WEAVE! BU, JUST SINCE I HAVE NO MALE PARENT DOESN'T MEAN SHE CAN MAKE A WOMAN OUT OF ME! TELEMACHUS  
  
MAY 3  
  
MOTHER IS AFTER ME TO WRITE. I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY. TELEMACHUS  
  
MAY 14  
  
TODAY SOMETHING INTERESTING DID HAPPEN. A MAN NAMED MENTES CAME AROUND - HE'S AN OLD FRIEND OF FATHER'S. AND HE'S INSPIRED ME TO GO LOOK FOR NEWS OF MY FATHER, AND GET SOME TRAVELLING DONE. AFTER ALL, I'VE NEVER LEFT ITHACA! BUT I CAN'T TELL MOTHER, SHE'D NEVER LET ME GO. SO I'LL JUST SNEAK OUT AND IF YOU READ THIS, MOTHER, KNOW THAT I MAY BE GONE FOR A FEW MONTHS. I AM A MAN NOW. AND HONESTLY, I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT I SAID ABOUT EURYCLEIA. I DIDN'T MEAN IT ABOUT YOU EITHER. I THINK YOU ARE VERY PRETTY AND NOT BOSSY AT ALL. OH, WELL, I CAN'T LIE, EVEN IN A DIARY. TELEMACHUS 


	4. Odysseus Returns

MAY 17  
  
UNLUCKY WORLD! WHY DO THE GODS HATE ME SO, THAT THEY MUST TEAR MY ONLY SON, THE ONLY ONE I WILL EVER HAVE, FROM ME? LIKE HIS FATHER, HE WILL NEVER COME BACK. I CAN SEE IT NOW. AND WHO WILL STOP THE SUITORS FROM FORCING THEIR WILL ON ME? IMPUDENT BEASTS - I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM.  
  
I DO NOT, AS TELEMACHUS SUPPOSES, REFRAIN FROM MARRIAGE BECAUSE OF LOYALTY TO ODYSSEUS, WHO IS NEVER COMING BACK. BESIDES, HE TOLD ME TO MARRY WHEN TELEMACHUS GREW A BEARD, AND HE HAS. I AM UNDER NO OBLIGATIONS TO A LONG- DEAD MAN.  
  
NO, THE REASON I DO NOT REMARRY IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. ODYSSEUS WAS PRETTY MUCH A PERFECT MAN WITH A KIND DISPOSITION AND MORE INTELLIGENT THEN NEARLY ALL OTHERS. NONE OF THESE SUITORS WOULD COMPARE. NOT ONLY ARE THEY NOT AS GOOD AS ODYSSEUS, THEY ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.  
  
I DON'T WANT TO BE MARRIED TO ONE OF THEM. THEIR FLOWERY SPEECHES WOULD BE ATTRACTIVE - IF I WERE TWENTY YEARS YOUNGER, AN INNOCENT YOUNG WOMAN. I'M NO MODEST PRETTY FLOWER, EVEN IF MY LOOKS HAVEN'T AGED.  
  
I'M OLDER NOW, AND MORE CAPABLE. I KNOW HOW TO RUN A HOUSEHOLD AS WELL AS A MAN. I DON'T NEED ANOTHER MAN TO WORRY ABOUT. IF ODYSSEUS CAME BACK I WOULD BE MORE GLAD THAN CAN BE IMAGINED, BUT HE WON'T. AND THEN, THERE'S THE FACT THAT THE SUITORS ARE EATING US OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME. THEY THINK IT'S ALL THEIRS, AND ANTINOUS SAYS THEY WON'T LEAVE UNTIL I CHOOSE ONE OF THEM.  
  
I HAVE PUT THEM OFF FOR NOW, SAYING I MUST WEAVE A SHROUD FOR LAERTES, AND WILL CHOOSE WHEN I AM DONE. EVERY NIGHT I UNRAVEL ALL MY WORK.  
  
I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLES. WHY MUST I CRY NOW FOR MY SON, TOO? IMMORTAL GODS WHO NEVER HEAR MY PRAYER, NO MATTER HOW MANY SACRIFICES I MAKE, HEAR MY PRAYER NOW, THOUGH I MAKE NO SACRIFICE. BRING TELEMACHUS HOME TO ME. I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANOTHER LOVED ONE SWALLOWED BY THE WAVES. PENELOPE  
  
JUNE 1  
  
I AM CONFINED NOW TO THE WOMEN'S QUARTERS, BETRAYED THOUGH NOT BETROTHED. ANOTHER PERSON WAS LOOKING THROUGH MY DIARY, MELANTHO THIS TIME. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HER. SINCE THE SUITORS ARRIVED, SHE SHIRKS HER WORK AND FLIRTS WITH THE MEN ALL DAY, BEHAVING MOST DISGUSTINGLY AND GETTING DRUNK ON MY BEST WINE.  
  
AND NOW, SHE HAD TOLD THEM OF MY SHROUD, AND I CANNOT GO DOWNSTAIRS FOR FEAR OF MEETING THEM. I MOVE THE POSITION OF THIS DIARY EVERY DAY SO THAT IT IS NOT DISCOVERED. ONE OF MY BEST HIDING SPOTS IS UNDER THE RUG UNDER MY BED. BUT ALL THIS IS TRIVIAL. WHAT WILL I DO ABOUT THE SUITORS? I CAN'T PUT THEM OFF ANY LONGER.  
  
JULY 19  
  
I'VE BEEN OCCUPIED BY THINKING, PRETENDING TO THINK, DESPAIRING, HATCHING PLANS, AND GREETING GUESTS. MY BEST NEWS IS THAT TELEMACHUS IS BACK! HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE ODYSSEUS IS, STILL, AND IS TERRIBLY DISAPPOINTED. HE WAS EVEN MORE AGHAST TO LEARN OF MY NEW PLAN.  
  
I CAN DENY THE SUITORS NO LONGER. I WILL FETCH ODYSSEUS' OLD BOW, SO MASSIVE ONLY HE COULD STRING IT (I COULD, TOO, BUT NO ONE EVER KNEW THAT). I WILL TELL THE SUITORS THAT WHOEVER CAN STRING THAT BOW AND SHOOT AN ARROW THROUGH THE HANDLES OF SOME OLD AXES SHALL WIN MY HAND (THOUGH NOT MY HEART).  
  
I DOUBT ANY SUITOR WILL ACCOMPLISH IT, IN WHICH CASE THEY WOULD LEAVE ME BE. IF ONE CAN, THAN AT LEAST THE MAN WHO TAKES ME WILL BE A STRONG ONE, NOT WEAK LIKE THAT FAT FOOL EURYMACHUS.  
  
IN THE MEAN TIME, I HAVE A NEW PERSON TO TALK TO, AN OLD BUT HANDSOME BEGGAR WHO HAS BEEN FREQUENTING OUR HALLS AS OF LATE. HE KNEW ODYSSEUS ONCE. I LIKE THE MAN, WHO IS OLD AND HAS A STORY SAD AS MINE. THE SUITORS TREAT HIM ABOMINABLY, THOUGH. SOMEDAY I SHALL GO CRAZY AND RUN AROUND WITH A BATTLE AXE AND KILL THEM ALL. I FEAR THAT IF I THINK ABOUT THIS I WILL ACTUALLY DO IT. PENELOPE  
  
JULY 21  
  
I SET UP THE AXES TODAY, FEELING SICK. TELEMACHUS OFFERED TO TAKE CARE OF THE CONTEST AND I WAS GLAD TO OBLIGE. I AM GOING WHAT MAY BE MY LAST NIGHT ALONE IN THIS BED. I THINK A GOD HAS SHOWERED SLUMBER UPON ME, I AM EXHAUSTED IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY. PENELOPE  
  
LATER  
  
IT STILL SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE TO ME. I WAS WOKEN, FEELING RATHER GROGGY, BY EURYCLEIA, WHO WAS SCREAMING LIKE A MADWOMAN. "HALLO! HALLO!" SHE CRIED. "GET UP YOUR PADY, LENELOPE, I MEAN YOUR LADY, PENELOPE. GET UP! ODYSSEUS IS BACK, HE'S KILLED ALL THE SUITORS, HE'S LOOKING FOR YOU!" NATURALLY, I ASSUMED SHE HAD GONE MAD. BUT SHE CONVINCED ME FINALLY TO GO DOWNSTAIRS.  
  
AN ASTONISHING SIGHT MET MY EYES. THE HALL WAS CLEAR OF SUITORS, AND THE FLOOR STAINED RED. A MAN MY AGE WHO LOOKED LIKE ODYSSEUS WAS THERE WITH MY SON. HE LOOKED LIKE ODYSSEUS ONE MOMENT, AND THE NEXT JUST ANOTHER MAN, ALTHOUGH A HANDSOME ONE. I HAD FORGOTTEN WHAT ODYSSEUS LOOKED LIKE, REMEMBERED ONLY A HANDSOME GOD WHO LOVED ME.  
  
TELEMACHUS YELLED AT ME TO SAY SOMETHING TO MY HUSBAND, BUT THE MAN WHO SAID HE WAS ODYSSEUS SHOOED HIM OFF. THEN I SAT AND LOOKED AT HIM, AND HE AT ME. WHY COULDN'T HE SAY SOMETHING? THE OLD ODYSSEUS I KNEW WAS QUICK WITH WORDS. EVENTUALLY HE SPOKE, IN THE VOICE I THOUGHT I REMEMBERED, BUT NOT TO ME. HE TOLD EURYCLEIA TO MAKE HIM UP A BED OUTSIDE, SO HEARTLESS WAS I.  
  
HOW RUDE COULD HE BE? I DECIDED TO SEE IF HE STILL REMEMBERED ANYTHING ABOUT OUR HOME, AND TOLD EURYCLEIA TO PUT THE BED OUTSIDE. HE BECAME ANGRY INSTANTLY, ASKING IF SOMEONE HAD CHOPPED THE BED APART. HE REMEMBERED! I TOLD HIM TO COME UP TO OUR ROOM (IT WAS OURS AGAIN). I WAS HAPPY OF COURSE, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I THOUGHT I WOULD BE.  
  
AS HE LAY NEXT TO ME, HE TOLD ME OF ALL HIS ADVENTURES. I WON'T WASTE WORDS ON THEM HERE, SOMEONE'S SURE TO MAKE AN EPIC POEM OF THEM. "WELL," I SAID WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM, "I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK." I WASN'T. I FELT THREATENED BY HIM. WITH HIM GONE, I HAD BEEN THE AUTHORITY. NOW, HE WAS TAKING CONTROL AGAIN.  
  
"YOU KNOW, PENELOPE," HE SAID RATHER SADLY, "YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE WHAT I REMEMBER." AND THEN IT HIT ME. THE WAY, WITHOUT HIM, I HAD GROWN APART INTO A MATURE WOMAN, AND THOUGHT OF HIM AS AN ALOOF GOD, HE TOO HAD BECOME AND INDEPENDENT MAN, NOT TIED DOWN TO HOME, WHO THOUGHT OF ME AS SOME DISTANT LOVELY GODDESS. IT ALSO HIT ME THAT I NO LONGER LOVED HIM.  
  
THEN, HE TOLD ME HE WAS OFF AGAIN. AT FIRST I WAS RELIEVED, BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT LEAVING AGAIN COULD ONLY HARM OUR RELATIONSHIP. HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD TO TAKE AN OAR, WALK SO FAR INLAND THAT HE MET A PERSON WHO CALLED THE OAR A FAN FOR WINNOWING GRAIN. THEN HE WAS TO BURY THE OAR AND MAKE SACRIFICES TO POSEIDON, THAT HE MIGHT DIE AN OLD MAN AT HOME.  
  
BY THEN, I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO SAY, AND I HAD THE COURAGE TO SAY IT. "I'M GOING." IT TOOK A WHILE TO CONVINCE HIM, BUT I WOULDN'T BACK DOWN. I WAS GOING WITH HIM. JUST THE TWO OF US. TELEMACHUS WILL STAY AT HOME AND MANAGE THINGS; IT WILL BE GOOD PRACTICE FOR HIM. WE LEAVE TOMORROW MORNING. ODYSSEUS IS SLEEPING NOW. I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED, AND I WOULDN'T LET HIM NEAR ME. PENELOPE  
  
JULY 22  
  
WE LEFT EARLY TODAY, JUST THE TWO OF US. WE ARE DRIVING IN A CART PULLED BY THE ANIMALS TO BE SACRIFICED. WE BORROWED A BOAT, TOO, AND LEFT TO GO ONTO THE MAINLAND. WE'D NEVER FIND SOMEONE IGNORANT OF WATER ON AN ISLAND. WE GOT TO THE LAND LATE AT NIGHT, AND DROVE TO MENELAUS' HOME, WHERE WE RECEIVED A WARM WELCOME.  
  
I AM NO LONGER ANGRY AT HELEN. SHE DID NOT LOVE HER HUSBAND, AND SHE FOUND A MAN SHE LOVED MORE. WHY SHOULD THAT BE A CRIME WHEN MEN OFTEN TAKE A WOMAN ON A RAID IF SHE CATCHES THEIR FANCY? WE ARE SLEEPING IN TWO OF THE SPACIOUS GUEST BEDROOMS, SEPARATELY. THIS IS MY IDEA, NOT HIS. PENELOPE  
  
JULY 23  
  
WE LEFT MID-AFTERNOON, AFTER RECEIVING A GOLDEN WINE GOBLET EACH, AS WELL AS NEW ROBES FOR ME AND A NEW SWORD FOR ODYSSEUS. BY LATE NIGHT WE WERE IN STRANGE TERRITORY, AND WE ARE STAYING WITH PEOPLE WE DO NOT KNOW, IN A RATHER BASE LITTLE ROOM. ODYSSEUS WAS WORRIED THAT ALL THIS TRAVEL WAS TOO HARD ON ME. I ASKED HIM HOW HE THOUGHT I HAD RULED A COUNTRY FOR NINETEEN YEARS, AND HE LOOKED SURPRISED, BUT SMILED. "YOU'RE A STRONG WOMAN, PENELOPE."  
  
I SMILED TOO. OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS CHANGED, AND WE'RE NO LONGER NEWLYWEDS. BUT WE'VE BUT TALKING ALL THE TIME, AND I'M BEGINNING TO KNOW HIM BETTER AS WELL AS VICE VERSA. WE'VE BOTH CHANGED, BUT WE'VE CHANGED IN SIMILAR WAYS, AND THAT'S GOOD. AND WE'RE FINDING OLD THINGS TO LAUGH AT AND RECREATING NEW MEMORIES. I SHOWED HIM A FEW PAGES OF THIS DIARY AND HE READ IT CAREFULLY AND WITHOUT LAUGHING LIKE HIPPODAMIA.  
  
JULY 28  
  
I'VE BEEN TOO TIRED TO WRITE, BUT WE'VE FOUND IT! WE WERE IN A WHEAT FIELD AND APPROACHING A VINEYARD WHEN A YOUNG MAN APPROACHED US, SAYING, "HAVE YOU COME TO HELP WITH THE WORK? IS THAT WHY YOU BROUGHT THE WINNOWING FAN?" ODYSSEUS THANKED HIM OVER AND OVER, AND THE BOY LEFT, PUZZLED.  
  
THEN, ODYSSEUS MADE THE SACRIFICES AND I HELPED, INSTEAD OF SHRINKING LIKE I USED TO. THEN, WE WENT TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE BOY AND EXPLAIN WHAT HAD HAPPENED. WE WILL GO HOME TOMORROW.  
  
AUGUST 3  
  
WE ARE HOME, FOR GOOD, THIS TIME. I HAVE GONE ON A REAL JOURNEY, AND, ACCORDING TO ODYSSEUS, I HANDLED IT BETTER THAN ANY OF HIS MEN WOULD HAVE. WE ARE A REAL FAMILY AGAIN NOW, AND TELEMACHUS FINALLY HAS A FATHER TO LOOK UP TO.  
  
ODYSSEUS AND I? WE'RE GETTING ALONG BETTER. WE RESPECT, LIKE, AND TRUST EACH OTHER. IT'S NOT EXACTLY LOVE, BUT WE'LL GET THERE AT SOME POINT. I CAN FINALLY SAY I'M GLAD HE'S BACK.  
  
OH, AND I'VE FORGOTTEN TO SAY. TELEMACHUS IS GETTING MARRIED! THE LUCKY GIRL IS NAUSICAA, A PHAEACIAN PRINCESS MY HUSBAND MET ON HIS TRAVELS. SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM, BUT SHE LIKES TELEMACHUS EVEN MORE. THEY DECIDED WHILE WE WERE AWAY, AND SHE'LL MOVE IN WITHIN A MONTH OR TWO. PENELOPE 


End file.
